Sighted: collarbone, possibly shoulder

willpower is a muscleThe other day I caught a rare glimpse of anatomy: my collarbone.  It lives!! Seriously, what the hell? Where has it been all these years? It’s actually kind of sexy.

And then there’s the shoulder. Also present. Two of them. And when I flex my arm the right way and hold it at a very specific angle, I can also see biceps.

These views are often fleeting, but with any luck (aka hard work), they’ll be around more often in the near future.

I still have moments when I’m walking along feeling fantastic and then I catch my reflection in a shop window, and instead of being proud of my newly evolving shape, I just see a fat girl.  Still.  Fat. I have – at the very least – 65 more pounds to lose. It’s such a long journey. Or, as my very good friend would say, “it’s a marathon, not a sprint.” Sometimes that marathon seems to go on forever.

Even worse than seeing your own I’m-still-not-there reflection is the emotional mirror that comes with losing weight. All those issues that got you to 235 lbs in the first place start to surface. Stuff you thought didn’t matter or that had been dealt with…whammo. I’ve got some baggage to address, methinks.  But let’s pull a Scarlett O’Hara and think about that…tomorrow.

On a happier, fitness-y note, my Insanity – The Asylum kit arrived last week. It took me until yesterday to even open the box. One shouldn’t be afraid of a workout DVD, but as I mentioned before, I may have chosen something a little beyond my level.

So, I sat down to watch (not to do…) the fitness test participants are supposed to take prior to starting the program. This establishes a benchmark and best gauges your progress along the 30-day challenge. Well. I got through all the medical warnings at the beginning of the DVD (I’ll take that as an “out” if needed) and proceeded to have my first introduction to trainer Shaun T.

Let me say, I was exhausted just watching the fit test. This guy has all this confidence, and makes shit look easy, and talks to me like I can so dooooo this and that I just need to try harder and lift those knees higher…

The three people Shaun T. had working out were like, uber champions themselves. Two ripped men and a super fit lady. (Whimper) They gave 110% and pushed through that test with some heavy breathing etc. but not to the collapse-on-the-floor point that I’m sure to reach within 7 minutes. Even the warm up looked strenuous.

My first thought was DEAR GOD; the second was that there is no way I can do these workouts in my bedroom space. I may have to move furniture. I need my own workout studio. Garage, perhaps?? But the third thought was … what IF? What if this is the hardest thing ever, but what if I can do 30 days?

So, yes. Am going to try this workout.

Once I get my location established, my workout poster on the wall, my “before” measurements/photos done, and inform the family that THIS IS HAPPENING, then I will start. I’m currently trying to convince my offspring to join me.

So that they can wake me up when I pass out, of course.

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